Out of The Canyon » Blog » Sharing our Pain
Sharing our Pain

Loss is so horrible. It hurts in ways none of us can put words to perfectly. In fact, I think the devastation and other massive emotions we encounter make us go to lonely places we aren’t sure we can recover from. When my brother committed suicide, for so long I wondered if the ache in my chest would ever leave? Other days I begged the ache never to leave because it was my connection to Rod. The emotions were my link to his memory.

One of the most important things I think you can do when you are hurting is to take care of your heart. Pay attention to what you are feeling and nurture it. Know that you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. (Usually in loss there are others hurting as well.) I also believe that the one you’ve lost would want that as well.

Nurturing your heart or your emotions looks different to each of us. For me, I needed to see a counselor and scream and cry and have someone else be there for me. I needed to be around someone who wasn’t emotionally involved. For some it may be exercise or drawing or reading. If you can go to the place that helps you to heal, it will only help.

When you lose someone or something you love, none of it is going to be easy. There are no formulas or magic ways to get through the pain. What I can say, is that from my own personal experience and from my husbands’, if you make a decision to love and honor the one you’ve lost AND to honor yourself as well…there can and will be gifts in the process. They may not come for awhile and you may not be able to see them at first, but they will come if you open yourself to them.